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Changes

So.... yesterday.....

We have been moving things around in the house. Switching kids' rooms around-- giving the boys a bigger room downstairs and moving the eldest upstairs (which she loves). Everyone is enjoying their "new" digs. Now we have to REdecorate.... and have be REpurposing several items of furniture and other things that we no longer are using. Alas, my house is a disaster-- and overwhelmingly so. I hate the feeling of disorganization and disorder. I also hate clutter. My house is pretty much all of the above right now. My temptation? To say "Forget it" and leave it as it is. My reality? I will go CRAZY if I leave it one more day. The process is slow.... involving sorting through piles of 'stuff' and getting rid of 'stuff'. I LOVE getting rid of things and keeping life as simple as possible. I am totally a minimalist-- so much so that sometimes I get way overzealous and throw things I later wish I would have kept.

Baby Z has also slept in her own room the last 2 nights in a row. This has been both sad and a bit nostalgic for me..... Miah has been so gracious about keeping her in our room.... and hasn't complained or pressured me a bit about having her sleep in her crib. However, it was time. He's been hinting without saying.... how nice it would be to have our room back. Though I agree-- we need that place that it just ours-- its always sad for me to move the baby into his/her own room. She seems to be doing okay sleeping away from us... I am just wishing for more time with her. She is already 6 months old- which has flown by faster than I want it to. Seeing how quickly the eldest, Miss I, has grown up (she will be a whopping 11 years old this summer) I am longing for time to slow, to be able to commit to memory and savor every second of baby Z's life. But let's be realistic for a second. I have a husband, 4 other kids, 2 dogs, a home that is in desperate need of reorganization, and a thousand other things on my plate right now. I'm simply praying I can effectively prioritize... and let go when I need to let go.

Changes. Though sometimes (well, often), difficult for me, I am constantly reminded of the many, many changes God has brought about in me. I am certainly not who I was 10 years ago.... and my prayer is that I will not be who I am 10 years from now. I so desire to grow, to be honed and refined. I know as long as I'm willing to "go there" in areas of my life that I know are problematic and challenging for me-- God will be faithful to bring about change. I know from years of experience this process is often painful and intense, it is also beautifully rewarding. I also know that though I would rather God just take care of it quickly like ripping off a band-aid-- painful and scary for a second but then it is all over-- sometimes in order for change to be lasting and concrete, I have to go through every painful step. BUT, just knowing he is with me through every moment makes it so much less terrifying and gloriously full of joy. I serve an amazingly gracious and loving God. I love that he is so patient with me-- that my heart is so important to him-- and that he loves me enough to help me change.

Jesus, in all the changes you're making in me right now, I just thank and praise you for walking this road with me... for loving me even when I stumble... for giving me grace when I outright fall. And for never walking away from me but instead kneeling beside me and helping me stand. And in the times I am too wounded and broken... that you willingly carry me through. Oh how I love you. My heart belongs to you always and to you only. Thank you for the changes you're working in me-- my heart is open to more... I desire more of you.

Comments

  1. LesMarch 1, 2012 at 11:55 AM

    You know how places in my house look=) And I am overwhelmed as well. Even though you war within yourself, you do have balance. I love that you know how to savor the moments. I can learn a lot from you about enjoying and making moments count.
    If you don't mind....I'll use the prayer for me as well.
    Sounds like lots of excitement in the house with moving around bedrooms. I have another friend who had 4 children and they switched their rooms around a lot. It was always fun for them. Makes me miss them.

    ReplyDelete

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