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New Every Morning

This morning started out way better than yesterday's. Little baby Z only woke once last night--- and woke up happy at 6:30 am, ready to start the day. Unfortunately, waking up too early only causes her to be crabby tired later on... and so now I have laid her down for a nap... thankful that she goes to sleep so easily. Wait... Let me rephrase... she goes to sleep so easily when she is laid in her own bed-- or on my bed. Sort of picky that way-- but I know I love my own bed too.... can't blame the girl. Anyway......

I decided it is better for me to sit when I can to write, rather than trying to recap the day all at once at night. Makes for more of an "as the day goes along" entry rather than getting hung up on one thing.

This morning I am just so thankful for new mercies. God reminded me of Lamentations 3:21-25 which says "Yet I still dare to hope [I dare to hope- meaning hope isn't always easy for me] when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! [I love the use of the explanation point here.... NEVER ENDS!!] His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance; therefore I will hope in him!" [again exhorting myself with explanations!] The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him." One thing I just love about this scripture is the beauty of God's grace for me. That even though I can be moody and snappish -- and even hurtful in how I deal with the kids (or even Miah) when I'm overtired-- His mercies are new every morning-- he doesn't give up on me. He doesn't look at me and throw in the towel and say "Forget you Jenn... you've just messed up too many times." Instead... he is faithful in his promises... his mercies NEVER CEASE. Even as I contemplate this right now... my eyes are filling with tears and my heart is overwhelmed by his love for me. I certainly have done nothing to deserve or earn this kind of love.... but am so thankful and blessed by it. Thank you Jesus for loving me in such a beautiful way-- for giving me reason to hope for a better tomorrow-- and grace to see it through. You're amazing to me and I'm so thankful for your love.

This evening was a particularly emotional one. Sort of last minute, I asked Miah to accompany me to Litchfield to visit my grandma in the hospital..... I am having a really hard time sorting through my feelings as I sit here trying to write about my evening. I don't really know how to process through things quickly... I have never been a quick processor. It takes me a while to mull things over-- to make sense of my feelings-- and to figure out where my heart is in the midst of it all. I feel like I need to sleep on this and write about it tomorrow..... Jesus, hold my heart.

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