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Super Secret Stuff

I started a post yesterday-- something about getting 'back in the saddle again' but since my sweet kids are on spring break all week... I got interrupted and alas, here I am-- REstarting, yet again.

As I have been praying about the worship retreat, I have been more and more convicted about the need to honor Miah by going. I have already made arrangements for the big kids, it is just baby Z who needs a place to stay. I am struggling with who to ask to take her for the weekend... I don't feel like she sees my parents enough to be with them the whole weekend, and though she sees my in-laws more frequently, I am unsure about leaving her there.  Jesus, I need your guidance and wisdom. Please help me to know the best place for Z to be... and give me peace. You know my heart is struggling with leaving her but I know you will honor my heart to honor my husband. And I thank you for that.

Tonight, besides being emotional about baby Z, I am also feeling emotional about something unplanned and definitely super secret. I am staring at a positive pregnancy test. You'd think I would be jumping up and down-- or laughing-- or SOMEthing. This was and is a complete shock. We have been VERY careful to use protection and to be "safe".... but apparently God has other plans. Baby's due date-- according to an online calculator-- is November 10. Baby Z will be 15 months then. It isn't that we weren't planning on having another baby someday, I am just shocked that it is now. What I'm struggling with most at this present moment? Honestly?! The reactions of other people. Miah is beyond thrilled. He couldn't be more happy or excited or supportive. All I can think about is what people will say. I am sure we will get the classic remarks like, "Wow. You two need a hobby." and "Don't you already have 5 kids?" and "You DO know how this happens, DON'T you?!" And the not so classic "You're crazy." and "Aren't there enough kids out there who need good homes?" and "Don't you already have a baby?" The truth is, I love my kids... every single one of them... and they are EACH so very special to me in their own ways. And this new little Scharpe? I love him/her too. As overwhelmed as I am feeling at this very moment, the miracle of life happening inside me is still beautiful and powerful and a true blessing. I have to remind myself that my plans are not always God's plans (in fact, hardly ever) and that I need to be joyful in all circumstances. This is God's plan. Another Scharpe baby. I need to let this soak in for a while before telling people... even family. And when I'm ready... ready to face a bombardment of critical stares and snide remarks... then, then I will be joyously sharing this little life with everyone else. But for now, this remains a super secret between God, Miah, and me (and you reading too).

Jesus, thank you for entrusting us with another sweet life to grow and teach and love. Please help me to rest in what You think of new life and not worry about what others may think or say. I am giving this baby to you.... mold and shape his or her little life and draw him or her unto yourself. Help me to be a safe and tender resting place for them to grow. Soothe the worries in my heart and mind. I love you and thank you for the miracle you've begun in me.

Comments

  1. Ben and MicahMarch 20, 2012 at 7:57 PM

    Oh my word! You are going to be 32 with 6 kids! How cool is that?!? I am so, so happy for you, and praying for all of the tumbling emotions inside of your heart to be filtered by Holy Spirit. You both are so blessed. Please tell Miah congratulations, and whenever you tell the kids, I am excited to hear their reactions. You are such an amazing mom. Jesus knows that you are going to take care of this little person so well. I can't wait to meet them! Praying for health and peace for your body right now. Much energy!!! Love you so much, friend.
    ~Micah Joy

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