Just one short year ago.......
It was a beautiful fall day.... so so beautiful. The weather was perfect and warm.
I started my day early, as most Sundays are for us. We were to church early to help Robert lead worship at Riverside. I remember savoring the way you always danced so delightfully within me during worship.... how it almost seemed as if you were praising in your own little way. We worshiped together, you and me, and I wanted to always hold on to that moment. I knew you were coming soon and that having you always so near to me was coming to a close. My heart wanted to meet you, to see your sweet face, to kiss on you, to snuggle you in my arms-- and still it wanted to keep you safe within me... to let you grow more, to savor more of the beauty of you developing within me.
We came home from church and relaxed for a few hours. Your big brothers and sisters wanted to go to the park, so we ventured out on a walk to enjoy the beauty of the day. We walked to the park and ran and played and wore ourselves all out. We laughed, enjoyed the sunshine, and talked about what it would feel like to hold you the first time. We spoke of our love for you and our excitement over finding out if you were a boy or a girl.
On our way home we collected pretty leaves and I really started to notice the contractions were becoming stronger. We walked so slowly home.... enjoying all the little things along the way.
By the time we got home, I had a pretty good feeling that tonight would be the night. That tonight I would be meeting you. I was excited and nervous.... I could hardly wait.
Papa and I took our time getting ready to go to the hospital. Mana came over to hang out with the bigger kids while we went to meet you. We got there and got all hooked up to listen to your little racy heartbeat and measure how often the contractions were coming. I loved so much hearing your heart beating-- a beautiful display of life.
The doctor determined it was time -- time to get ready to meet you, sweet one.
We waited about an hour and a half for our turn and then the prep began. We rolled into the OR and Papa and I held our breath waiting to hear your first cry. Waiting and waiting..... and there it was... your little voice. You were here. A beautiful baby girl, tiny and perfect. I turned my head to look at you and watch the nurse and Dr take care of you.... to watch Papa love on you. I wanted to fast forward to later, when I could hold you in my arms- and nurse you- and breathe in your sweetness.
You were having some trouble breathing on your own so I had to go to the nursery to hold you the first time. It felt like forever later.
Finally getting to hold you in my arms, I didn't want to ever let you go. Not ever. Our visit was short when they wheeled me back to my bed. I so wanted you with me.
You had to stay in the nursery for almost a week. You were so spunky and a little fighter. It seemed like the times you improved and did the best were the times I could be with you. I spent much time holding your tiny hands and singing over you. My heart was in a million pieces wanting so badly to hold you constantly-- I needed you to know I was there. I needed you to not feel alone or afraid. I needed you to keep fighting for your lungs to breathe so we could go home.
Many, many prayers were offered on your behalf, little one. You are so incredibly loved. In a miraculous God sized way, your lungs began to work and I was overjoyed. You and I got to spend more time together and then we got to take you home.
My sweetest baby A,
There is so much I love about you-- about who you are, who God created you to be. The joy that radiates from your sweet spirit is such a gift. There is a quiet joy about you. Your easy smile touches me so deeply. We always say we never had a baby who was so easy to make smile. We could just look at you and you would break out in a huge, gummy smile. You give so freely of yourself. I don't want you to grow up too fast, little girl. I know you have bigger people always around you, and you always want to be doing the next thing, but enjoy where you are at. I can't help but savor where you are right now- in this moment- and the blessing you bring to our lives even now. Sweet girl, my heart for you is that your joy would always be found in Jesus and who He made you. That no matter what life throws at you, you will continually be filled with immeasurable joy. That beautiful contagious joy that you pour out on everyone you meet. God will use that gift in you-- that joyful heart of yours-- to reach many with His love. Precious, precious daughter... don't ever doubt your worth in His eyes. At the end of the day, you are His. He has called you to a purpose greater than anything this world can offer you. His love for you is greater, deeper, and far more satisfying than you could possibly imagine. Just rest in that. My little lover, you have brought me such joy. Your life has been a constant blessing to me in ways that you cannot even understand. I cannot imagine our lives without you. You fit so beautifully into who we are... God knew we needed a little girl just like you. I love the way you suck your fingers when you're tired and lay your sweet head on my shoulder... The way you stand at my feet all day long, the way you wake every morning clapping and joyful. I love the way you love so freely and so fully. I love your crazy blue eyes and your kissy lips. You are so incredibly special to me, dear one. You hold a place in my heart that is only yours. Happy first birthday to you my dear sweet baby A. My life is so blessed by you. -Mama
It was a beautiful fall day.... so so beautiful. The weather was perfect and warm.
I started my day early, as most Sundays are for us. We were to church early to help Robert lead worship at Riverside. I remember savoring the way you always danced so delightfully within me during worship.... how it almost seemed as if you were praising in your own little way. We worshiped together, you and me, and I wanted to always hold on to that moment. I knew you were coming soon and that having you always so near to me was coming to a close. My heart wanted to meet you, to see your sweet face, to kiss on you, to snuggle you in my arms-- and still it wanted to keep you safe within me... to let you grow more, to savor more of the beauty of you developing within me.
We came home from church and relaxed for a few hours. Your big brothers and sisters wanted to go to the park, so we ventured out on a walk to enjoy the beauty of the day. We walked to the park and ran and played and wore ourselves all out. We laughed, enjoyed the sunshine, and talked about what it would feel like to hold you the first time. We spoke of our love for you and our excitement over finding out if you were a boy or a girl.
On our way home we collected pretty leaves and I really started to notice the contractions were becoming stronger. We walked so slowly home.... enjoying all the little things along the way.
By the time we got home, I had a pretty good feeling that tonight would be the night. That tonight I would be meeting you. I was excited and nervous.... I could hardly wait.
Papa and I took our time getting ready to go to the hospital. Mana came over to hang out with the bigger kids while we went to meet you. We got there and got all hooked up to listen to your little racy heartbeat and measure how often the contractions were coming. I loved so much hearing your heart beating-- a beautiful display of life.
The doctor determined it was time -- time to get ready to meet you, sweet one.
We waited about an hour and a half for our turn and then the prep began. We rolled into the OR and Papa and I held our breath waiting to hear your first cry. Waiting and waiting..... and there it was... your little voice. You were here. A beautiful baby girl, tiny and perfect. I turned my head to look at you and watch the nurse and Dr take care of you.... to watch Papa love on you. I wanted to fast forward to later, when I could hold you in my arms- and nurse you- and breathe in your sweetness.
You were having some trouble breathing on your own so I had to go to the nursery to hold you the first time. It felt like forever later.
Finally getting to hold you in my arms, I didn't want to ever let you go. Not ever. Our visit was short when they wheeled me back to my bed. I so wanted you with me.
You had to stay in the nursery for almost a week. You were so spunky and a little fighter. It seemed like the times you improved and did the best were the times I could be with you. I spent much time holding your tiny hands and singing over you. My heart was in a million pieces wanting so badly to hold you constantly-- I needed you to know I was there. I needed you to not feel alone or afraid. I needed you to keep fighting for your lungs to breathe so we could go home.
Many, many prayers were offered on your behalf, little one. You are so incredibly loved. In a miraculous God sized way, your lungs began to work and I was overjoyed. You and I got to spend more time together and then we got to take you home.
My sweetest baby A,
There is so much I love about you-- about who you are, who God created you to be. The joy that radiates from your sweet spirit is such a gift. There is a quiet joy about you. Your easy smile touches me so deeply. We always say we never had a baby who was so easy to make smile. We could just look at you and you would break out in a huge, gummy smile. You give so freely of yourself. I don't want you to grow up too fast, little girl. I know you have bigger people always around you, and you always want to be doing the next thing, but enjoy where you are at. I can't help but savor where you are right now- in this moment- and the blessing you bring to our lives even now. Sweet girl, my heart for you is that your joy would always be found in Jesus and who He made you. That no matter what life throws at you, you will continually be filled with immeasurable joy. That beautiful contagious joy that you pour out on everyone you meet. God will use that gift in you-- that joyful heart of yours-- to reach many with His love. Precious, precious daughter... don't ever doubt your worth in His eyes. At the end of the day, you are His. He has called you to a purpose greater than anything this world can offer you. His love for you is greater, deeper, and far more satisfying than you could possibly imagine. Just rest in that. My little lover, you have brought me such joy. Your life has been a constant blessing to me in ways that you cannot even understand. I cannot imagine our lives without you. You fit so beautifully into who we are... God knew we needed a little girl just like you. I love the way you suck your fingers when you're tired and lay your sweet head on my shoulder... The way you stand at my feet all day long, the way you wake every morning clapping and joyful. I love the way you love so freely and so fully. I love your crazy blue eyes and your kissy lips. You are so incredibly special to me, dear one. You hold a place in my heart that is only yours. Happy first birthday to you my dear sweet baby A. My life is so blessed by you. -Mama
Comments
Post a Comment