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Withdrawl Symptoms??

My first day out from Facebook and I'm noticing that I think in status updates.... it's oddly funny to me. Several times today I have caught myself documenting funny things my kids have said or things I have thought about... on Facebook... in my head. Somehow without Facebook, I am finding I have waaay more witty and funny material than ever. This leads me to believe that either 1: I haven't been paying enough attention to real life or 2: I am actually allowing my brain to breathe which is causing so much blood flow that my brain is simply overstimulated- resulting in all kinds of epiphanies.  It's probably a little of both.

The scripture I have been meditating on today is from Philippians 2:3, 4 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others." The question I posed to myself today was this: Am I truly valuing others above myself in humility? What is my motivation for posting things on Facebook? I am not going to "overspiritualize" things here folks, but a little introspection on the subject is warranted.   I have to admit, there is a degree of selfish ambition in there. I'm not asking you to judge me or my motivations, simply to hear my heart. We've all done it... and if you claim you haven't, well, let's just leave it at that. Posting things just to get others to envy our lives. How is that humility? On the opposite end of the spectrum, you have people who post every.single.dramatic.thing. How is that looking to the interests of others? I googled "selfish ambition" and let me tell you, what I found was convicting - if I'm going to be honest with myself. WHAAAAAAA! Why do I have to keep dying to myself and my sinful motives? Ugh.

This is perhaps why I need this break so badly. I need to be reminded again that life isn't about me. You'd think with six kids I'd have a pretty clear picture of self-sacrifice. But like anyone, I can be selfish about my time and my agenda and my, my, my. I'm relearning.

I certainly do NOT have it all figured out friends. Some days I wish I did. The days I think I maybe have a few things figured out, God gently (or not so gently) reminds me that I do not. It's like when people say "SIX kids?! Wow. How do you do it?" I don't know how. I am certainly not qualified and I have not a clue as to how we have managed to raise all these kids and remained sane. It's all God. So in spite of our humanity, selfish ambition and vain conceit we can say But God. But grace. That's the beauty of being shown our sin and allowing God to refine us. He does this work ever so gently. It can be incredibly painful and yet, through that pain we become something far more beautiful than we could ever imagine.

My prayer today....

"Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock, and my Redeemer." -Psalm 19:12-14



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