Its supposed to be kind of a nice break to be "laid up" for a few weeks. Only somehow it would be more fun if I was actually just doing it for fun. The only thing I have been able to do is snuggle kids, read, and just hang out - the dream life... I know. I'm trying to be thankful for this time... I really am.
It would be remiss if I didn't mention my total utter frustration with my knee. I absolutely hate being unable to do things for myself, my kids, my husband. It makes me crabby. I want to be able to just jump up and grab the baby from her crib.... to be able to just clean up my kitchen myself instead of waiting for someone else to do it...... to help my husband with projects that need to get done.... to not have to convince little Z that its more fun to follow me to the couch to be held versus being picked up where she's at.
Its summer-time. I want to do fun things with my kids. Things that require walking- or standing- or kneeling- or crawling.... pretty much everything that requires the use of both knees. I want to make plans with friends. I want to have playdates and entertain. I certainly don't want to feel like a burden. Come over and visit... oh and by the way... could you clean up a bit for me while you're here? No thanks.
I can handle the painful, sleepless nights- the nearly constant pain when I move my leg- and the exhaustion I feel when I've been too busy moving around on the crutches. Its the rest of it I struggle with. The having to ask for help or depending on other people to accomplish things for me that would normally take me minutes to do. I hate feeling unproductive. Why is that? Why is it so difficult?
Please realize I'm just venting here.... it is not lost on me that things could be so much worse. Its ok... you can tell me to suck it up... I say it to myself every day.
Fixing my eyes on Jesus- the author and perfecter of [my] faith. (Hebrews 12:2) What do you want for me in this time Lord? What things do you wish to teach me? Please grow this servant. Take my heart and break it... make it wholly yours. If you can endure the cross for me, I can commit this time of momentary suffering to your glory. I'm hanging on to your beautiful truth from 1 Peter 5:10 "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." Waiting on your restoration. I'm so thankful for your patient love for me- and for your constance in my life.
It would be remiss if I didn't mention my total utter frustration with my knee. I absolutely hate being unable to do things for myself, my kids, my husband. It makes me crabby. I want to be able to just jump up and grab the baby from her crib.... to be able to just clean up my kitchen myself instead of waiting for someone else to do it...... to help my husband with projects that need to get done.... to not have to convince little Z that its more fun to follow me to the couch to be held versus being picked up where she's at.
Its summer-time. I want to do fun things with my kids. Things that require walking- or standing- or kneeling- or crawling.... pretty much everything that requires the use of both knees. I want to make plans with friends. I want to have playdates and entertain. I certainly don't want to feel like a burden. Come over and visit... oh and by the way... could you clean up a bit for me while you're here? No thanks.
I can handle the painful, sleepless nights- the nearly constant pain when I move my leg- and the exhaustion I feel when I've been too busy moving around on the crutches. Its the rest of it I struggle with. The having to ask for help or depending on other people to accomplish things for me that would normally take me minutes to do. I hate feeling unproductive. Why is that? Why is it so difficult?
Please realize I'm just venting here.... it is not lost on me that things could be so much worse. Its ok... you can tell me to suck it up... I say it to myself every day.
Fixing my eyes on Jesus- the author and perfecter of [my] faith. (Hebrews 12:2) What do you want for me in this time Lord? What things do you wish to teach me? Please grow this servant. Take my heart and break it... make it wholly yours. If you can endure the cross for me, I can commit this time of momentary suffering to your glory. I'm hanging on to your beautiful truth from 1 Peter 5:10 "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." Waiting on your restoration. I'm so thankful for your patient love for me- and for your constance in my life.
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